Friday, 28 August 2015

A Little Update

Hello jalapenos! How are you all doing today? Just a quickie from me while it's still technically Friday and I've still technically not broken my promise -- those politicians' promises are the best, huh? -- to tell you that I'm working on a few things and at least one should be up very shortly, but I don't want to compromise anything by putting it up half finished just to adhere to some arbitrary rule I've made for myself. The deadlines are important, they really help me, but they're there for me, I'm not there for them.

I've been doing a little diary to challenge negative assumptions like I decided last week, and it has been beneficial, but I realised I didn't need you all to see it. I've been using the diary to digest my thoughts, decoct the positives, and purge the rest. Which, obviously, is nice -- but, like most digestive/defecatory processes, isn't necessarily something I should invite the neighbourhood round to watch.

So my plan was to put up one of the actual things I've been working on. Only it's been a busy week -- I've been designing and writing a newsletter for my old pub, doing the Wednesday review, as well as working on the aforementioned upcoming pieces -- and basically nothing is ready. I could've lashed one together and put it up warts n all, which was tempting, but sometimes you've got to look at what you're building and say, not yet, you deserve better than this. It's never an obvious choice, there's always a level of weighing-up involved in deciding whether it'd be better to get the confidence from finishing something and moving on, or spending time on getting the thing right. Up till now I've needed the confidence, and needed to move onwards.

But these pieces are more for other people than for myself, I think, and so it seems the right thing to do to wait and get them right. Though that's obviously building them up to be good, which if I know my brain (I do; I'm it), will create whole stacks of pressure and make me second-guess every word I write.

But, shh. It's been a good week. A really good week. I'm settling back into my meds, I feel I'm over something of an initial bump, and sailing out into relatively open waters. Though that metaphor will work better if we pretend I said I was passed some initial jagged rocks, and sailing out into &c. So, yes, that. Open waters. And I may not know where I'm sailing, exactly, or how long I'll stay afloat, or whether I'm tying the knots properly -- but for the moment I'm just enjoying the sea spray in my face and the wind at my back and the familiar feel of the tiller beneath my hand.

And if a few seagulls are shitting on me from up high, well, what you gonna do?

Bon voyage. 

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