Day 44: Coming home

Back from the country. We weren't kidnapped by locals and experimented upon and changed. Unless part of the process of being changed was taking out bits of our brains so that we didn't remember being changed. Maybe I'm not myself. Maybe none of us are ourselves. But what can you do? You just have to carry on, hoping that it all makes sense, that there is some force for good moving you beneath your conscious awareness, that you are not a secret sleeper agent for a malevolent cult growing out of a small village near Holmfirth biding your time until you are activated as the first phase in a plan of world domination and terror.

You just have to carry on carrying on. So that's what I'll do.

We woke up at a decent hour this morning and stripped the bed (Fran) and washed the last dishes (Fran) and put everything back where we'd found it (Fran) and drank instant coffee (me), then folded the dog into a taxi, sat in around him, and drove to the railway station away from our idyllic little retreat.

On the train we sat largely in silence, watching the little towns roll by, with Mish up on the seats opposite, my hand on Fran's knee, Fran playing with her zombies on her phone, me reading about trade deals on the New York Times app.

We went for lunch in the Rutland when we arrived back in the city. Fran had a vegan patty, with cheese to confuse the bartender. I had a fish finger sandwich. The chips were real chips, fat and glorious. Fran had a pint. I had an orange drink. Fran's pint looked good, as do they all.

We hauled our bags to the bus stop in a thick drizzle as Mission padded along daintily beside us, head up, drawing looks, as always. I saw Fran onto her bus and then hurried off for my own.

I've done very little back at the house. Listened to episodes of the Serial podcast, which is fascinating and illuminating and I recommend highly, had some snoozes, eaten tea.

Gentle day, and an early night, with work again in the morning (all the hisses).

As of tomorrow I'll have been writing this blog for 45 days. halfway to my target of 90. I've still got a long way to go, but just for a moment I'll allow that right now, thinking about how far I've come, it feels pretty good.

Night night.