Home from a night out for Katie’s leaving do. Took my camera and took photos all night, gave me something to do that wasn’t drinking. Came home on the bus with Michael, he took me round to his and filled up a tupperware with leftovers from his tea because I told him I hadn’t eaten tonight. I thanked him and wandered off into the cold night. Then the housemates were in when I arrived home, Phace had cooked asparagus and onions and herbs in some roasted concoction I don’t even understand, gave me some to put on my mac n cheese from Michael. Sat and chatted. Chloe came round after her close, we listened to music and sat around, then I came upstairs and left them to it.
Don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t have any words these past couple of days. Sentences are coming out slow and plodding. Been finding it difficult to hold conversations, have nothing at all to say to anyone, have nothing that I can get excited about. It’s like the bottom falls out of every topic as soon as it is brought up. Like the bottom falls out of everything. And I’m just plodding off into the cold night, not able to care either way.
It’s depression. That’s all it is. I’ve been here before. It passes. It’s nothing to worry about. I got through the outer anxiety of the storm a couple of days ago. This is the deathly calm in the centre. But it too will pass. And the sky will be clear once again.
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