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Tuesday, 11 September 2018

Day 137: Don't try

Eep. I’ve written a lot explaining the final segment of the hero’s journey - which by the way is mostly to get it straight in my own head - but it’s not finished. I left it and went out for my staff do, on which I obviously wasn’t drinking, but I was enjoying being out with everyone and getting caught up in their youthful excitement (it’s literally a couple of months since I was smashing shots and staying out all night with them - dunno where I’m getting this sense of superiority from) … And but I figured I could finish up the story structure post when I came home, but now I’m back and my head is spinning (the energy of late bars is weird when you’re sober) and after looking over the post realistically it needs another hour or two of work, and I’m in for the delivery tomorrow morning, so bugger that noise - I’m gonna fire off this quick missive and hopefully have time for the story stuff tomorrow.

I love story structure. It’s so great to feel excited and curious about something again, when in the depths of drinking and depression I was feeling a real apathy and lack of affect. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still sad a lot of the time, still flat a lot of the time, but there are more and more moments of lightness, of light. I dig the film reviews, and I dig the analysis of story structure. Funnily enough these seem to be the least popular of my posts, but that doesn’t bother me in the slightest. I think it’s important to not chase what you think people want, which chasing never takes you anywhere interesting, and instead to explore where your heart tells you you should go.

I've got a notebook here, and I need to sketch every day and follow my nose, and enjoy where it takes me.

Here’s a great quote from the photographer Peter Marlow, which I saw recently on the street photographer Joshua K. Jackson’s Instagram page:

“Be yourself, get up early, and don’t try too hard, as whatever is trying to come out will come out eventually without any effort, learn to trust your instincts and don’t think about what others will think or about the process too much. Work hard but enjoy it.”

I’m trying, guys. I’m trying.

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