I just needed something to yell there as means of introduction. Hope one of those was all right. I can furnish you with more if not? No? OK, fine.
Hullo. It’s time for my monthly round-up of the more interesting posts from this blog. I mostly spent March: editing photos. I finally got round to buying a subscription to Adobe Lightroom, and with a few photography jobs for work, my daily socials pics, my own pics, and going back over older stuff to see what Lightroom can do to them, I’ve spent an inordinate portion of the last 31 days with my face buried in tone curves.
Which isn’t, I’m sad to report, any kind of a euphemism.
Anyway, the blog…
Day 308: Where he belongs - An ode to physical labour, and to my friend Steve. I couldn’t remember writing this, I think I did it at 2am slouched in bed after arriving home from a long day grafting. Vaguely recall feeling sleep twisting round me and desperately trying to get words out and not being sure if they even made sense. It turned out quite lovely for all that.
Day 311: Wetland - About depression being a quagmire, and joy and creativity being like soaring in the sky, and how tiredness affects that. The more you soar, the more momentum you have, and the easier it becomes. But once your feet start to catch on bristles and vines you slump into the mud, and then the mud sucks at your feet, and then suddenly you’re exerting all the energy you have and it’s going on simply struggling to not be swallowed. I like this analogy. I’ll elaborate on it at some point.
Day 312: Complex structures - Neuroplasticity! Positivity! Getting trains to Happy Town! Days like this, carving out space in my head to feel good, need to be remembered. Light them up. Paint signs to them. Lay down tracks. Go back the same way as often as possible. That /is/ how brains work!
Day 316: Orbit - And again, finding my way from negativity to love. I did that. Remember. Replicate. Move forwards.
Day 317: A garden without weeds is not enough - And again! About the importance of planting seeds of positivity as well as pulling up the weeds of negativity. These posts are the unglamourous work, down and dirty in the soil, but man are they important. They lay a framework so when I feel bleak and my soul crumbles - which happens all the bloody time - there is structure to catch me. And it works. I haven’t been feeling less broken this month, but I have been more able to grind out the things I’ve needed to do.
Day 321: Days off? What are those? - Sleaford Mods gig with Mike, photo editing, coping with writing stress. The photo here is nice, although it needs a stronger single subject, and I see now it is a touch underexposed. But nice light around the chandelier.
Day 322: Roaccutane - About my experience on the most hardcore of acne medications, when I was 24. Hate writing about this. Forcing myself to write about it. Need to plough right through self-consciousness and shame, because they are demons that guard the caves with the most interesting of treasure. It is known.
Day 323: But it is good - “Just because you can’t see the sky behind the clouds doesn’t mean the sky is not there.” More carving out positive space for myself. I did that a lot this month. Well done, me.
Day 324: Somewhere else - Mosque murderers, Instagram influencers, plastic piling up in the oceans. Depression stops me getting angry most of the time, but I got angry here. We should all be angry on days like that. Anger is appropriate.
Day 325: Smile at service workers - …And then I got empathetic. And I’m serious about this one. Look directly at people who are suffering, smile at them, and think about how you want them to be OK. There are dark forces in this world. Be a torchbearer for the light, or you will be subsumed by the shadow. Look at Trump and Bolsonaro and Salvini and Orban and Le Pen and Farage and Germany’s AfD and Poland’s Law and Justice - look at these and tell me we’re not in our most dangerous time for seventy years. You might yet end up fighting for your life. Are you going to be on the side of hatred, or love?
Day 328: A long slog - A few more photos, from a walk around Kelham Island with me mam.
Day 333: Our Nige - Having fun, here. There should always be room for a bit of fun. Summoning rituals and varifocal glasses circuitous routes through the suburbs of Hell. A Pratchett/Gaiman impression, and low-hanging fruit, but some nights that is all to the better.
Day 338: Negroni - Michael and Emerald got married! I had some red wine. I got anxious and self-conscious and afraid. Pat took me in his big strong arms and told me I was going to be OK. Pat’s great. I love Pat.
Wednesday Reviews:
- Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)
- Ghost in the Shell (2017)
- Ghost in the Shell (1995)
- Baby Driver
26 days. Christ. 26 days and I’ll have been doing this a year. That’s… insane. Best get thinking what to write for that last one.
Nah just kidding I’ll do it at 3am on the last night like I’ve done for all the others.
Bubyeeeee x
Look at all those amazing posts and words! You are spectacular
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