So much for early rising. Stayed up till 4am after work last night writing a post, then played Switch in bed, unhappy, until I passed out. Slept until 11, then slouched around bedroom in doldrums, dead-eyed, brain like instant noodles, until time to climb in the shower and go to work again. On shift joking with Katie, mocking Rhi, forcing the time to pass, but back home the bottom has fallen out of everything again.
I feel blue. Goopy black dripping emptiness. Nothing to say and no words and plummeting blankness Just this dull routine stretching to the horizon, a thousand lifetimes of this as the universe pulls apart from itself and all light fades and interminable blackness reigns again.
Fuuush. Going to get some sleep and hope I feel better tomorrow. I'm tired. Treat myself kindly. It's OK to feel like this, but it's not OK to wallow. I'm getting sick with depression, like coming down with a cold, so do what is necessary. Be loving, be gentle, but be firm, accept no sliding, no slipping, no entry point for negative talk.
Write these words, any words, better than nothing. Go to bed. Start again tomorrow.
It's cooler tonight. The air is cooler. My room is pleasant. That's one thing that's nice.
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