Yo, super quick, super late, gotta get something down and get to bed. Been off today, felt out of it, out of sorts, head killing, keyed up, cold, achy. Walked to town with Mike on his way to work, looked at the shops selling gaudy junk, the neon lights, the dull faces, felt that there was nothing anywhere worth buying. Just distraction promising to take away pain, but only putting off pain, making it come back all the worse next time. So you buy more, shove the pain away again, it comes back even worse. And on and on.
Mike left for work, I thought about going for coffee. Just money that I don’t want to spend; I had coffee at home. I went for the bus, but there was a long queue, I stood in the queue, I waited, eventually I moved off. I walked, walked, walked. I got home, up the hill, sweating and uncomfortable in the cold night air.
There was no one in.
I sat in my room and listened to podcasts in the dark. I went to the shop, bought tea, ate it alone. I had ice cream. The night wore on.
My head is throbbing now. Been a wasted day. Ahh well. There are those negative thoughts again. Hear them. Understand that they are not me. They are not reality.
Say instead that today I have been recuperating. Necessary recuperation. I couldn’t sleep again last night, I really am not sleeping at the moment. So go easy on myself, feel the love, be compassionate, and the productivity will come when it is ready.
Music? Umm. Something nice. Reincarnation by Susanne Sundfør. Yes. This will do. This will definitely do. Now: sleep.
Enjoying the musical education...
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