Day 222: Mushy

Short one today. Just home from work, brain gone mushy, did a lot of writing during the day but nothing to put up here yet.

How am I doing? Let’s check in. I’m in that stage, I’ve been in it before, where I feel like crap, but I’m not worried about feeling like crap. I guess I’m depressed, anhedonic, my brain isn’t producing/reacting to healthy amounts of serotonin and dopamine - but that’s fine. I’m busy, and I’m building positive habitual behaviours, and I’m doing doing better at recognising patterns of negative thoughts when they arise, and bringing attention back into the present, and letting the negative thoughts trundle on with the last of their internal energy, and then dissipate, and disappear.

I’m in a good track for writing of late, accepting the roughness and imperfection of what comes out of my head, and not concentrating on the ways I know it doesn’t work, but simply letting what is in there come out, in the form it wants to take, and not sweating the rest.

This is good. This is the way. I must carry on like this.

….

I forgot to do music yesterday. So I’d better find some good music for today. How about… Aluminum or Glass, by Negativland? OK, this isn’t new; I probably came across this a decade ago, but I love it the most. “Heightened reality vignettes” is one of those phrases that just pops into my head at the strangest of times, apropos of nothing, and makes me smile. Song is wry, cynical, intelligent, and oddly rapturous. Aces.