Ohhhh buddy I super need to do some writing and get myself to bed. It's been a busy old day. I'm trying to stay awake to write this but sleep is prowling the perimeter of my mind, the guards are edging closer together, exchanging worried glances; it's only a matter of time...
Been a good day though. I'm doing damned well. I've been on opens the past two days, another tomorrow, and I've been going in an hour early to get stuff done, social media photos and the like, and I've been getting up half an hour earlier than even that, just to be up, to give myself a more leisurely rise.
I mean, all that means is that I've been getting up at half seven to be in work for nine, which is what half the world does every day, but...
You know, no. That's a thing I always do, minimise positives about myself, deflate any sense of accomplishment, explain away better times as fluke or mistake or what everyone else already has anyway.
It's skewed thinking, is what they teach you in cognitive behavioural therapy, and we'll have no truck with it tonight.
It doesn't matter if everyone else on the planet finds it easy to get up early (although they don't). What's important is that it's something with which I struggle, and I've been doing loads better of late.
I've been up, I've been working hard, I've been eating fruit and cooking proper meals for tea, going in to work early and staying late to help with Christmas, writing my blog, reading, playing small amounts of the videogames I feel it's worth completing, not looking at social media, staying on top of washing and cleaning, getting early nights.
And when depression has come calling I've been better equipped at dealing with him. He has been holding less and less sway over me.
That's good. I've been doing good.
So take the praise, even if it is from myself. Don't look back. Don't panic. Don't sabotage myself. Keep doing what I've been doing, quietly, steadily, and trust that inch by inch, month by month, things are changing. And let that change happen.
......
Music: Missing U, by Robyn. Sleep-wolves leaping barricades. Guards down. Blackness sweeping in. Robyn good, pop good, pulsing synth-tinged dance pop never sounded so bittersweet. This track is classic Robyn. That's good. We like Robyn. We go sleep now. Byeeeeeeee x
High 5! That's awesome well done! So lovely to read
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