Day 319: Late

I am done. I have made it through. I worked eight hours today on a photography commission at the pub, taking stock pictures for the other sites in the company to use. I took splash pics, pouring pics, smoking pics, shaking pics. Food being prepped, food being cooked, food being served. Keg beers, cask beers, canned beers. Coffee shots, wine shots, Champagne flutes clinking. I took photos of displays, of bookcases, of lights, of hanging glasses, of board games, of the building’s exterior.

And now I am off. Finished. Done.

Tomorrow I have a film review to write, but I can do that sat cross-legged in the Vietnamese coffee shop down the road, staring out the window and tapping on my Chromebook and feeling good about the world. And then Thursday I am also off. And Friday as well.

It feels like the most decadent stretch of time imaginable. I mean, I have 660 photos to edit, and the blog to write, but still, I’m decidedly stepping down a gear.

Christ, I needed this break though. I’ve been pushing forwards into the void for like twenty-five days now, head down, forcing myself to make it through. I think I was just running on empty from tiring bar shifts and late nights and daily blogging, and fighting to keep my mental health from plummeting, to keep depression at bay. And then Steve needed someone to help with his busy period at work, so I gave my days off to that - which was long hours, physically demanding labour, and a whole load of stuff in which I had no experience, which always takes more cognitive energy. And then Kieran needed me for an extra day at the pub. And then this photography commission. And all the while I was pushing myself as hard as I could with the weekly film reviews, because they’re the thing I’ve chosen to do, not a commitment to another person, not a duty I have to fulfil, but what I myself am passionate about, what I care about.

So yeah, I’ve felt ground to the bone these last weeks. I’m not at full strength, I have a chronic mental illness, and I get overwhelmed quickly. It’s important to remind myself of that.

But though I’ve been strained, I haven’t snapped. I’ve done everything that was asked of me, I’ve taken on the projects that have been thrown my way, I haven’t said no to anything, and I’ve found the time (just) to concentrate on my own work.

So: hurrah. I’m off now to eat a cream slice, drink an Earl Grey, write my daily gratitude exercise, and crawl into bed.

Setting my alarm tomorrow for: LATE.

Toodles x