Day 336: Meagre

Worse day today. Been sluggish and unmotivated and low all day. Miserable about my skin being worse, and about the GP fobbing me off with fucking Differin, rather than referring me to a dermatologist. Said he couldn’t do that until other treatment options had been shown to have failed. So that’s now months slathering on yet another ineffective cream, a few weeks of my skin getting worse, and maybe red and inflamed, up to two months to start to see a meagre improvement, another few months showing that I’ve given it a go - the cream costing £9 every few weeks - then make another appointment, week or two waiting for the appointment, to tell yet another GP I’ve probably not met before who has no bedside manner and no empathy that, cheers, but fucking adapalene is not the answer to my problems, and can you please put me on the months-long waiting list to see a dermatologist now, before I throw your fucking computer on which you’re reading my patient history rather than actually looking at and talking to me out of the fucking window. Thanks all the same.

So, no, not in a good mood today. But I did go for a nice walk earlier, and take some nice photos - although out of five from one location it would actually be a composite of all five that would be the shot I was after, but, hey, it’s all good practice - and I meandered to a coffee shop and ate a delightful falafel wrap and drank good strong coffee and read Naomi Klein’s take on Trump and did some writing and enjoyed the calm and tranquility of the late afternoon.

So, hey, we soldier on. It’s only skin. It’s only the membrane that separates me from the world. Tear it off and I will blend beautifully with the cosmos. Let it bubble and fester and scar. It doesn’t affect my ability to write, to think, to love. That all comes from far deeper down.

OK, good, written myself back into equanimity, better go right to sleep now to be up tomorrow for Saturday work. Oh my God I hate Saturday work more than anything on this Earth. How I loathe it. I don’t want to sleep because then I’ll have to wake up and it will be time for Saturday work.

Well. Equanimity ruined. It was nice while it lasted.

Byeeeeeeeeeee x